Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Blissful agony

Time off from work is definitely a thing that can go both ways. You either enjoy the respite from the daily grind of doing seemingly pointless tasks at the behest of your appointed superior, or you greatly regret the span of time that this allows you to stop and think about what you're actually doing with yourself...

While working *(i.e. during a standard work week)* you don't really have the wherewithal to contemplate your station or position, you react to necessary changes, pattern yourself to consequence and move on from one uncomfortable and laborious task to the next. Sleep when you need to, eat when you can, and generally exist as a proxy to your inner self.

While in a state of limbo between work weeks, otherwise known as the weekend, you have the blessed opportunity to suffer from your own minute by minute decision making. Every moment is something of your own devising, something that you've invented either to enrich, entertain, or relax yourself. You can let others make choices for you in how you spend your time, but largely this is a dissapointing and ultimately unfullfulling activity. So there you are, caught in a moment, faced with the challenge of creating a diversion for yourself so as to not dwell on exactly how mundane everyday life, and the pursuance thereof, is. And it seems so easy at these junctures to reflect on the simplicity and straightforewardness of the work week. How painfully easy it is to slip once more into the monotonous, mindless, droning sense of being a cog in a wheel forever turning to the crank of industry, being worn down little by little in each revolution. And how your sense of self seems to drain into the basin of community conciousness that is a significant part of most work enviornments. And how it actually feels GOOD...

to be nothing more than another cog, no more or less important than the next.
But sad at the same time, because in this world, cogs are as interchangeable as firing pins in the same model handgun...and when you've turned your last turn, and your no good for any more revolutions...you'll be replaced without much more than a minor hiccough in the grand scheme of things.

So it does feel good to be an individual and make your own decisions and be your own person, because at least no-one can replace you. But it's so much more damned work...

Oh well, I guess that's the price of free will, the eternal nagging question, "What if I had watched a movie with them instead of trying to read this stupid book...?"


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