Sunday, December 12, 2004

Around again

And again and again. Of late I've diagnosed a behavioral symptom of depression in my lack of ability to stay motivated about an active healthy lifestyle. Or is that just laziness...*(shrug)* I've started going to the gym here on not exactly a regular basis, about once every two-three days. And while I can cast blame upon the type of work I do, in as much as quite often moving furniture all day is more draining and strenuous than the gym could ever be, I still feel like a pansy when I roll out of bed and stare at the clock completely incapable of making myself get dressed and walk out the damned door.

Oddly enough, I never have a problem motivating myself for work. Only when the activity I need to get up for is voluntary in nature do I have difficulty do anything other than grumbling to myself while crawling back into bed.

These things seem to go into cycles as well, I'll be hyper motivated for about two weeks, I'll get up and go like it's nothing, be out all day being a hyper monkey super-ball, doing as much as I can to try to cause myself to wake up in pain the next day. THEN all of the sudden, this HUGE wave of apathy washes over me, and I ask myself, "Why do I hate myself so much that I wish to make myself work on my days off? BRING ON THE CHIPS AND BEER! And I'll sit and contemplate the infinite emptiness that is my soul! YEAH!" ahem.

And then I do that for a while. Sit, drink, eat, spout sophomoric self-aggrandizing philosophy to myself that sounds good at the time. And mostly just make of myself as much of a couch potato as one can possibly be given that they don't own a television.

But thankfully I can only usually keep that up for about 2-3 days before I smell myself and decide to take a shower, and am forced to look at myself in a mirror while using the restrooms here. And with that brief, though inspiring, glimpse of myself as a wastrel, I regain my motivation to shape my ass into a configuration quite different from that of my desk chair, and to slough off the oppressive laziness that I periodically inflict upon myself.

Well, speaking of which, it's time to take a shower again. *(sigh)* I wonder what I look like now..;)


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