Monday, December 13, 2004

Sad Sappy Sucker

Yes I know that my title for this post is a rip off of a Modest Mouse album. But it's appropriate given my mood. My mood is one of a person that is trying to contemplate where they are and how far they've come. Which is, naturally, bound to generate a subjective answer, in as much as everyone is going to see respective conditions differently.

A lot of people would definitely see where I am now as an infinitely better position in a lot of ways from anywhere I've ever been. And of course there will be those that will say, "Wow, look how far HE fell." I'm some where in the middle. While I've certainly managed to lose a good percentage of everything I've worked for since I moved out on my own, and all I've really maintained from the last eight years is experience, I think that where I am now in general isn't really better or worse, just...very different.

I think that the lifestyle that this place foments is easily sustainable, but not very uplifting so you don't really have much in the way of prospects for a bright future here. I think that the ease of living may well ruin me for the city life I once thrived on, but I know that I will always miss quite a bit about the area and the standard of living that I've grown used to.

So I'm glad that I've come to experience this in my allotted years, but I guess that only time will tell if it will end up being worth what I lost to get here. And that is based on entirely too many factors to even begin describing so I won't bother.

Of course in the end it doesn't really matter if I've dropped or climbed a rung in the grand scheme of things, because I'm still around, I'm still hanging on, and I can still keep trying. Whether or not it will amount to anything? Who cares. It's the race itself that's fun, who gives a rats ass about the finish line.

Here's to hoping none of us see the finish line anytime soon.



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