Monday, October 31, 2005

Breathing, Living, Blogging

Daylight savings was very welcome this last weekend. I'd have preferred an extra day for sure, but an extra hour's certainly better than nothing. Although this means I walk to work in the dark instead of at dawn.

So yeah, I work at 7am now, which means I get up at 5, leave my house at 5:50-6 and get to work around 6:30. Then I sit down at my desk and do random stuff, like blog...*(bet you guessed that)*, until it's time to start. I've been getting better lately about not just starting whenever I show up. They frown upon people making their own schedule. That and the fact that I'm trying to be less addicted to work. That's right I said addicted. I actually have some form of withdrawals when I'm not working. I really need to focus more of my attention elsewhere, hopefully in enriching pursuits that make me happy, but if not than lazy stuff would be good to. It's just that when I'm working there is no room for anxiety, no room for fear or stress. When I walk in it's like I'm on PCP. I grow bulletproof skin and know everything, and then when I walk out, I feel as though I'm less than I was before. As if I'm spending vitality at a higher interest rate during work hours, and it's got to stop. I thought that getting out of kitchen work would help, and it has, a little. I'm not wasting myself physically anymore. I'm not going to be one large, calloused burn scar with no perceivable joints by the time I'm 40. But I may be a washed out brain-dead geek, capable of only reciting port numbers and release specs for old software versions.
I figure the key is recognizing my competitive/egotistical nature. I sometimes feel that if I'm not the best that I'm not any good at all. And that's not the case. I have to let others hold up there end and stop trying to do everything. If I don't, then they'll just expect me to do everything and then I'll HAVE to.
So I guess this is my lesson of the month. I've learned I have to relax and just do my job. There's only so much I can do, and realistically, they're not paying me enough to put myself out.

Hope to hear from all of you soon, thanks for reading.


At 8:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

um, yeah... It's been a month now.. we're waiting. another post= good times


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